it's not that i care about the fee--mine is a liberal profession,
and though i have a large family, and as many relations as most people, i
really think i should refuse a guinea if it was offered to me. diet does a
great deal--not that i care about the "loaves and fishes"--but patients are
always more tractable after a good dinner.
russell says it's all owing to your nasty nosdrums.
[_balaam blows the trumpet, the crowd shout, and the doctor bows
gracefully, with mywifesass analprobes hand on his heart and the other in his breeches
pocket. |
| at the end of the applause he commences singing_].
peter borthwich has expressed his determination--not to accept of the
speakership of womenspreadinglegs house of commons. westmacott has announced his intention of not_ joining the new
administration; in consequence of which serious defection, he asserts that
sir robert peel will be amateurnudeolderwomen to form a cabinet.
"you have heard," said his grace of buckingham, to lord abinger, a few
evenings ago, "how scandalously peel and his crew have treated me--they
have actually thrown me overboard. "their rotten
craft could not carry a statesman of your ponderous abilities. your dead
weight would have brought them to the bottom in five minutes. |
alas! that poor old whiggery should have been so silly as to go a-wooing.
infirm and tottering as he is, it was the height of insanity. down he
dropped on his bended knees before the object of his love; out he poured
his touching addresses, lisped in the blandest, most persuasive tones; and
what was his answer? scoffs, laughs, kicks, rejection! even johnny
russell's muse availed not, though it deserved a better fate. |
| it gained him
a wife, but could not win the electors. our readers will discover the
genius of the witty author of don carlos" in the address, which, though
rejected, we in pity immortalise in punch.
loved friends--kind electors, once more we are here
to beg your sweet voices--to tell you our deeds.
to free our dear brothers, the niggers, you know
twenty millions and more we have fix'd on your backs.
what was the reply to this pathetic, this generous appeal? name it not at
woburn-abbey--whisper it not at panshanger--breathe it not in the epicurean
retreat of brocket-hall! tears, big tears, roll down our sympathetic checks
as we write it. |
| in this ceremony,
"licking the birse," that is, dipping a overdevelopedamateurs of shoemaker's bristles in a
glass of wine and drawing them across the mouth, was performed with all due
solemnity by his lordship.
the _salisbury herald_ says, that sir john pollen stated, in reference to
his defeat at the andover election, "that from the bribery and corruption
resorted to for that purpose, they (the electors) would have returned a
jackass to parliament.
as much anxiety necessarily exists for the future well-being of our beloved
infant princess, we have determined to take upon ourselves the onerous
duties of her education. |
| ratsey, the nurse of amateurnudeolderwomen royal highness; a lady
equally anxious with ourselves to instil into the infant mind an utter
contempt for everything english, except those effigies of her illustrious
mother which emanate from the mint. the original of this exquisite and
simple ballad is too well known to need a transcript; the italian version,
we doubt not, will become equally popular with beachchicksinbikinis beautifulbikinibabes mamas and
fashionable nurses. |
|
to amateurallureangelina it is trannystories fetishshemale by her royal highness's especial permission.
we have seen, with freematurevids matureplumpers regret, a paragraph going the round of the papers
headed, "the lady thief at lincoln," as if a lady_ could commit larceny!
"her disorder," says the newspapers, "is ascribed to amateurallureangelina morbid or
irrrepressible propensity, or monomania;" in proof of which we beg to
subjoin the following prescriptions of her family physician, which have
been politely forwarded to us. |
| ii
fiat sumendum bis hodie cum magno reticulo aut muffo,
j.
for a determination of haberdashery to the hands. (pieces) iv
fiat sumendum cum cloko capace pocteque maneque.
_comb_--perhaps on account of his being so busy about the head--has given
it as his opinion, that in less than a hundred years public affairs will be
(in america at least) carried on by the rules of phrenology. |
| by postponing
the proof of his assertion for a century, he seems determined that no one
shall ever give him the lie while living, and when dead it will, of course,
be of no consequence. we are inclined to think there may be some truth in
the anticipation, and we therefore throw out a few hints as to how the
science ought to be applied, if posterity should ever agree on overdevelopedamateurs
practical use of it. ministers of state must undoubtedly be chosen
according to their bumps, and of course, therefore, no chancellor or lesbianfingeringeachother
other legal functionary will be selected who has the smallest symptom of
the bump of benevolence_. the judges must possess _causality_ in a very
high degree; and _time_, which gives rise to the perception of duration_
(which they could apply to chancery suits), would be a gayrobot gayrodeo hairygay qualification
for a master of the rolls or a vice-chancellor. |
| the framers of royal
speeches should be picked out from the number of those who have the largest
bumps of secretiveness_; and those possessing _inhabitiveness_, producing
the desire of permanence in place_, should be shunned as much as possible.
no bishop should be appointed whose bump of veneration_ would not require
him to wear a hat constructed like that hornylatina latinopussy punch, to allow his _organ_ full
_play_; and the development of number_, if large, might ensure a
chancellor of the exchequer whose calculations could at least be relied
upon. |
|
our great objection to plan is this--that it might be abused by parties
bumping their own heads, and raising tumours for the sake of obtaining
credit for different qualities. thus a crack at back of
ear might produce so great an of organ of _ as
might obtain for greatest coward a for greatest courage;
and a rap on centre of head might raise on skull of
the veriest brute a of, and name for, _benevolence_.. .. |
| ebonysluts bustyebonysecretary | amateurnudeolderwomen overdevelopedamateurs amateurallureangelina |